Making the Most of Parent-Teacher Conferences

The traditional parent-teacher conference takes place about eight weeks into the school year - an event that often pairs anxious parents with a nervous teacher. Tremendous significance is attached to the meeting. In many cases, it is the first time parents discuss their child with the teacher. For teachers, they have spent hours preparing back-to-back meetings, during which they try to concisely explain the academic and social performance of 20-some kids, having known them for only two months.

It is no wonder that many parents (and teachers) often leave these conferences feeling dissatisfied, or worse. Success depends on solid communication, good planning and understanding expectations. That's a tall order for one 20-minute meeting.

Parents don't have to wait for school-wide change to apply these principles to their dealings with teachers. Check out these tips to help get it right:

• The first step is to be proactive. Introduce yourself early on. Try to volunteer in the classroom. If that's not possible, send the teacher a note and set up a time for a short phone call or meeting.
   
• At the conference, the teacher should be prepared with notes, suggestions and samples of the student's work. However, parents need to do homework of their own. Prepare questions, observations and samples of your child's work from home. Ask your child if there is anything that she wants you to discuss. Suggest ways the teacher can get the best from your child.
   
• The parent-teacher conference should not be the place to discover for the first time that your child has a problem. If a relationship has already been established, the parent or teacher can communicate at the onset of trouble. The conference is the place to discuss those issues further. Write down specific concerns or observations and discuss motivational strategies. Communicating effectively depends on how you present your ideas.
   
• Conferences in which the news isn't good, or in which you are dissatisfied by the teacher's response, are the most difficult to handle. Parents can ask that others at the school, such as the counselor, reading specialist, or even the principal, be included in a follow-up team meeting with the teacher. If a child is showing signs of a learning disability, parents can request testing even if the teacher doesn't suggest it.
   
• Even good-news conferences can be frustrating. A child with no problems may not draw attention to himself, and the teacher may have little to say. What to do? Give the teacher extra information about your child so he can get to know him better. And ask questions: Is your child being challenged? How does his work compare to classmates? What are his strengths and weaknesses? How does he get along with others?
   
• Most importantly, parents need to initiate follow-up and maintain a good working relationship with the teacher. Teachers may have 20 other students that have parents too. It is YOUR job to make your child a priority for the teacher. Be careful not to become too needy or dominating of the teacher's time. Calling three times a day will probably weaken the relationship, but showing an understanding that there are other students will benefit your ability to communicate like nothing else.